Mass Effect : The Hangover
by Wiggs Magee
Summary: It is Shepard's Stag Night and after one wild drink the crew find themselves sperated, clueless and completely forgetting what they did last night, Not the mention all of their heads hurt like hell
1. Chapter 1

John Shepard-

Paragon-

Lion of Elysium-

Spacer-

Alenko Died on Virmire-

Wrex is Alive-

Saved Council-

No romance during ME1-

Romanced Tali during ME2-

All squad members survived-

Destroyed Collector base-

Negotiations between Geth and Quarians for Rannoch have begun-

This story takes place 11 weeks after the events of ME2-

*As you can obviously guess this is based off the brilliant film The Hangover if you have not seen it, watch it. One you will understand this Fanfic better and because its brilliant Long story short 4 friends are in las-Vegas they all have a shot and they wake up the next day cannot remember a thing and one of them is missing. I would like to thank my friend Oscar for giving me idea's when I was brain dead. =)

I do not own anything here all characters belong to Bioware and the idea to Todd Phillips ( director and co-producer of The Hangover) *

As Shepard looked around with gleeful eyes he took in the features and voices of the crew seated around him- no not crew, friends a loose family each would have given their life wilfully for the other and they had a friendship forged in the furnace of fire and tied with their equally shed blood.

They we here on the Citadel at Nexus, a club in the wards while not as classy as the Dark star it certainly catered to a more sophisticated cliental that Chora's Den each and everyone were here for one reason: him. After several close calls and rivals Shepard had an epiphany of sorts, he realised that he or Tali may not be able to wait for the Reapers to be defeated before his life can form a shell of normality he decided he had to take what things he could and make the best. So in a decisive act he convinced the Normandy that a critical mission was needed on Illium were me managed to sneak away and order a custom wedding ring specifically made as to be able to fit over a suited finger. After gathering the crew at the eternity bar he made his announcement to a stunned Tali, through tear streaked eyes she giddily agreed and grabbed him in a choking embrace afraid this was some silly fantasy of hers.

Now 2 days later he found himself with his crew at the bar having his Stag night, not clearly understanding the main concepts of it Tali also came along which Shepard certainly did not object to and she sat their next to him his arm wrapped around her waist and ran his hand up and down her side. Unfortunately the complete crew were not here : Samara had gone to Omega as a friend from her past life claimed a slave group was kidnapping people, Thane took a nasty hit a week ago, although he would clearly make it he has been bed ridden for a week. Finally legion simple said. ' we have reviewed the organic celebration named _Stag Nights_ and have come to the consensus that women, alcohol and possibly narcotics does not affect Geth and so we will remain aboard Normandy and share data with EDI.' with a slight pause Shepard made to turn away when Legion suddenly continued ' Although we would like to congratulate Shepard-Commander on his and Creator Tali'Zorah bonding ritual.' though unexpected from the normally emotionless AI Shepard was glad that Legion has seemed to come to terms with organics more.

Garrus suddenly stood up and quieted down the rowdy crew before continuing.'' Now I have had the pleasure of knowing both Tali and Shepard for many years now and I consider them both close friends- no! As family , I cannot think of anyone else who are better suited for each other than this pair right here, I still remember all the times you would sneak into engineering for as you claim 'asking about Quarian culture'' moving his fingers to add to the heavy sarcasm laden in his voice. This enticed chuckles and laugh from around the table and a startled gasp from Tali. '' I could clearly see you both loved each other , damm I'm just surprised it took you both so long to know it. I mean wasn't whenever Tali would get a scratch you would be down the med bay with her even before a report to the council.''

Tali started to blush fiercely at Garrus description of her and Shepard and mentally made a list to 'misplace' Chiktikka in the toilet while Garrus was in there.

Zaeed sat their already with three mugs of batarian ale around him and was laughing at Garrus's joke as if he had just made the funniest joke of his life, Kasumi sat their quietly wincing when the merc's laughter reached new volume's and glancing round to see if any none-crew members pockets were readily open. Jack was further away on the table having an arm wrestling match with grunt her arm swallowed in a deep biotic blue her face was contorted in a silent strain. Opposite her the Tank-bred Krogan's muscle laden arm was stretched taught fighting against the biotically enhanced convict, on his face was plastered a huge toothy grin eerily reminded Shepard of one of Earths crocodile's it seems Grunt had finally found something all krogan warriors dream of: a worthy foe. Jacob was lounged against his chair oblivious to the whole clubs female population oggeling his muscled torso as he unsuccessfully tried to swoon Miranda who coolly sat there an untouched beer sitting in front of her and she coldly surveyed the bar looking for any non-existent threats. Mordin sat there with Kelly each having a battle of monumental proportions to see who would need to stop talking first as Mordin chatted rapidly about recent medical tests he has been running one of which would be 'wedding gift'. Joker sat there giddy with himself even though he had not touched a beer obviously he was pleased that due to the recent medical equipment installed on the Normandy intended for Shepard's scars (which had naturally healed over time.) after a few weeks of Mordin, Tali's and Dr Chakwas tinkering they had converted it to help strengthen Joker's bones further so he could walk without pain and jog and slowly run with little to none, the doctor in question was sat next to the snaky pilot and they talked about the earlier days aboard the SR-1.

Suddenly the tables banter was drowned out as a new song flowed into the bar, it was one of the many recent techno music that Shepard never really was interested in, the young quarian by the side of her obviously had a different opinion as she immediately perked up and grabbed Shepard by the wrist and tugged him out of his chair. ''Oh John its that same music they played in Flux, please can we dance?'' when Shepard looked into her joyful eyes he doubted he could have had said no and Tali knew it, with a sigh he allowed himself to be dragged away from the jeering cries of the table.

Once they reached the dance floor many of the clubs women who had up until that moment been kept away by the 8 foot krogan and the half naked biotic but without such deterrents they flocked towards him all pushing and jostling ,begging for Shepard to dance with her. A few weeks ago Tali would have been burning with Jealously and doubt at the invitations from so many attractive females and also some small guilt at her trapped being. But now that they had settled their relationship and John's marriage proposal she was utterly confident in the imminent reply.

With a shake of his head.'' sorry ladies but I am already taken.'' turning away from the dozens of dejected faces he promptly grabbed Tali and the two began to dance. Shepard was always awestruck when Tali would dance, fortunately he had managed to convince her to do some, personal dances for him but even so each viewing was as fascinating at the first: the way her body seemed to flow and bend like a mirage and as it seemed every muscle in her body was moving in synchronicity, compared to this goddess John always felt a little self conscience at his own adequate dancing technique's. As they continued their dance Shepard noticed a certain scarred Turian walk up to the clubs Mixer and slip a credit chit onto his desk and a small whisper to his ear. Suddenly the song died away and was replaced by the rustic brass and ancient wind instruments and slow realisation dawned upon Shepard as he heard the opening lyrics to his favourite childhood song.

_Somewhere beyond the sea_

_Somewhere waiting for me_

_My lover stands on golden sands_

_And watches the ships that go sailin'_

Shocked at this highly unexpected song many dancers stopped abruptly, dumbstruck at the unfamiliar tunes and notes, John and Tali on the other hand who had often listened and danced to it in their cabin took up a old Earth dance pose and began to waltz around the club, staring into each other's eyes, allowing the smooth rolling notes of the ancient Earth song flow through them.

''You always were a romantic John.'' cooed Tali.

''Had to be to keep up with your hips.'' grinned Shepard.

Suddenly it seemed they were tired out by the dancing and Shepard and Tali returned to their table only to see Zaeed arrive with a tray filled with 11 small shot glasses all filled with a small glowing liquid and much larger one intended for large species also next to them a small container obviously intended for a quarian. As he almost reverently placed the drinks of the table they all gave him a questioningly looks to which he proudly said.

''Elcor ale: since they do like to take their time only a few barrels are made every year and only some of those make it off world it is known to be the most expensive, toxic ,powerful liquor in existence!.'' he said as if praising a god or another all powerful being.'' they say that it makes ryncol taste like watered down water by comparison, and don't worry it cost abit extra but I managed to get a portion of it siphoned through this custom made machine that allows it to be safely ingested by turians and quarians and I got one shot sterilized for the soon to be Mrs Shepard. Those are blue one's'' he added beaming with pride

Before reaching for the glass a question formed in John's mind. '' Zaeed were did you get the money for this?''

A sudden look a guilt came over his scarred face before he muttered. '' consider it a wedding gift.''

Kasumi scoffed slightly. '' he needed me to 'procure' some items to sell.'' to which she wistfully added. ''lets just say no one is going to be seeing the Mona Lisa for a while.''

Not wanting to become a accessory to a major crime the crew all hastily picked up their glass's/mug/ containers and held them in front of themselves hesitantly. Knowing that someone would need to take the first step Garrus raised into between them and said. ''To Tali and Shepard I hope you have a long sentient machine race free life.''

Each person gave a small cheer before the resounding clinks sounded as the shots were knocked against each other and the crew in turn downed their first taste of elcor ale.

As the toxic liquid burned down their throats in the background the receding notes of a long sung song played

_Happy we'll be beyond the sea_

_And never again I'll go sailin'_

* Quite short as you can see but I merely wanted this to set the scene for what will happen, also I know I skipped over the whole asking hand in marriage scene but I wanted to get into the Hangover part. If nothing else comes up I will create a one/two shot Fanfic to better describe the proposal*

*The song choice was slightly inappropriate but I just love that song well done Bobby Darin or Frank Sinatra since I am not sure who first wrote it*

*Please comment and reviews takes little time and helps with my ego =)*

*Post idea's you have as to the fate of certain people and if I like them I will add them in*


	2. Chapter 2

*Oh Jesus I almost regret asking 'what the reviewers wanted' I've had 3 requests for Miranda to do some shameful acts *sigh* but I did say if you wanted it. If I suddenly become less honourable when I get to that bit I'll put in a Miranda scene*

Pain: The world around Shepard was just a blearing pain as he seemingly felt 100 krogans were having a brawl in his cranium, taking a minute or five with his eyes closed trying to control the pain finally he sat himself up and looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings.

It seemed that he was in some luxury room, well used to be luxury ,the couches were tipped over, curtains were ripped and scattered along the floor, the beautiful wall paintings had been taken down and several rude words in as many languages had been scrawled over them. What was a major shock to him was the elcor statue that lay shattered in the corner.

_Dam what did we do last night?_ as that question came to mind he suddenly realised he could not remember anything from last night. _Heh hell of a hangover I wonder how the other's took it? _glancing around he tried to make out the forms of his crew, sweeping his gaze around he noticed the encumbered form of Garrus sprawled across the sofa but his eyes suddenly focused on the Turians face a crown of sorts that seemed to be made of genuine gold ( a extraordinary rare metal due to it only being available on Earth and a few other worlds in the Sol system) and encrusted with rubies, delgats and other rare stones. Thinking back to were the acquired the crown he once again reached the large grey area of his memory thinking as to how he couldn't remember anything from yesterday. Stumbling across the suite to see if a close inspection of the crown would jog his memory , unfortunately the loud snoring of the turian rang like bellows inside his head causing him to cringe, during one such act he tripped over the unconscious form of Mordin who during his inebriated dream was on the verge of curing Scale itch from the magical dragon Alextorzra.

Mordin quickly shot up and shouted ''The Answer is a mix of 37.5g of Magnesium 0000.2g of comet fragment and some elf blood..wait what?'' questioned Mordin looking around at the unfamiliar setting.

''Hmmm last I recall we had a shot of Elcor ale and now we are in a 6 star hotel by my guessing, hypothesis.. Severe hangover.''

At the Doctors rapid fire talking Garrus also rocketed off the sofa launching the crown from his head which promptly collided into Shepard's rising head, causing a cry of pain before the Spectre slumped upon a scattered sofa cushion.

.

Once again waking up but with a even more severe headache that before he looked up to find the heads of Garrus and Mordin looming over his head.

''Jesus, what happened?''

Garrus shrugged sheepishly .''I accidentally knocked you out.''

''No mean about the room, my headache and the fact I can't remember a dam thing from yesterday.''

Mordin quickly stepped in the answer the hastily asked questions. ''Well after looking around the room it would seem we are at the Goddess's hand, one of the most prestigious hotels in the Citadel ,the headache and the loss of memory is also suffered by me and Garrus Vakarian and appears to be some side affect from the elcor ale we ingested I can administer some high power aspirin to relieve some pain.'' Nodding his consent Mordin grabbed a nearby bottle and handed a couple pills to Shepard who quickly swallowed them, almost immediately the ache subsided to a bearable level.

''If you don't mind I need to go to the toilet.'' rather ungracefully he made his way across the wrecked room and entered what he presumed to be the toilet, as he started to relieve himself he turned towards a sudden movement caught in his eye sight. Looking at the cause of the movement to which made a rather large puddle across the toilet seat and surrounding floor. Across the room was possibly the largest krogan he had ever seen easily surpassing Wrex and Grunt and beside him was a large scarred Varren.

Noticing Shepard's shift in focus the krogan nodded his head and said in a voice that sounded like two boulders being rubbed against one another.

''Sup, names Francis.''

Not knowing if he should be scared of his appearance or his calm attitude Shepard nearly fled out of the room and collided with Garrus.

''Whoa Shepard what's the fire?''

''There! There in the bathroom is a some krogan with a huge Varren!''

Giving an amused snort Garrus shrugged and made his way to the bathroom. ''Riiight well then Boss. uncle Garrus will go take care of the big bad krogan.''

As he walked through the door he returned visibly paled .''But, But, But.'' he could only stutter out.

''I told you! I need to get Tali and get as far as way from 'Francis' as we can.''

The salarian and the turian quickly averted their eyes.

''What happened?''

''Aaaa yes, well it seems that we are the only people present so we do not know the location of the other crew members including Tali'Zorah.''

''What about Radio?''

'Well that part I do remember just after we had the elcor ale we all agreed no one will interrupt the party so we all destroyed our comms and Kasumi overrided Tali's helmet vox unit.''

''What? Well we have to find her I mean she could be anywhere!''

''Shepard! Listen we will find her but none of us can remember a dam thing from last night, so running wildly over the Citadel wouldn't help us let alone her! So I suggest we just wait round here give the place a once over and try to see if anything comes to mind.''

Seeing the reason behind Garrus words Shepard tried to calm down but the thoughts of his soon to be wife somewhere possibly unconscious in the Citadel made him nearly sick with worry.

''Ok, ok that sounds like a good plan.'' Shepard agreed as the trio began to long arduous process and trying to remember the events that occurred last night.

.

Jacob ran down the corridor his heavy panting the only sound blurring into his ears as he fearfully twisted and turned downed passages' and side passage's, he cast glances behind him hopeful that the dreaded things would not be following him. He had been running for the past hour, waking up to a painful headache and in some sleazy apartment then the banging started alone and unable to make contact he hurriedly escaped outside the window just in time to see the things coming for him.

The screaming resonated again, hunting after him ringing through his head like some banshee's wail, he tripped at the sudden pressure scrambling forward desperately trying to add as much space between him and pack of feral things hunting him, as the sounds of banging feet hammered down dashed any chances he had of escape he turned around to see the horde of creatures bolt down the corridor towards him.

''Look girls! Aren't his abs just to die for!'' screamed some brunette, then at some hidden signal the flock of women ate up the space between them and their musculared prey, knowing this was an enemy he couldn't fight Jacob turned and bolted down the window hoping to lose them in twisting streets of the wards.

.

As they filtered out of Nexus each heading out in groups of two's or three's Grunt who for the first time in his 1 year life was thoroughly drunk, at first thinking his superior genetic engineering he would be immune to s single shot of ale but that had been proven false as he was as drunk as the other crew members . Grunt stumbled his way down many alleys breaking the sea of the busy night time crowds who clearly wanted to avoid a blind drunk krogan Grunt found himself in lying in possibly his own urine as he wasn't to sure it was his own. Then he heard a high pitched scream. Even through the dense haze of the Elcor ale the krogan idea that a scream meant a fight and a fight meant enjoyment Grunt made his way towards to sound.

Rounding the corner and smacking into the adjacent wall Grunt was confronted with the sight of a lone female human pinned against a wall by a turian.

''C'mon babe why don't we go back to my place all quite like I will show you a good time.'' as he grabbed a handful of her blonde hair and gave a desire filled sniff.

''Get off my you creep!.'' cried to women clearly trying not to break down in tears.

The struggle was soon ended when the turian backhanded her across the face. ''Quite b**ch it is not like you have any say in this.''

With a sly smirk his hand snaked towards her skirt when a sudden rumble rang behind him, wheeling round him he saw the sight of the 900 pound Krogan charging towards him.

''I AM *burp* KROGAN!''

Just before the wall of scales and muscle slammed into him the turian had enough time to release his bowels before he was launched against the wall with a sickening crack.

Cringing against the sudden noise and violence the women huddled into a ball and waited for the end, realising she was not about to be attacked she uncurled herself and stared up at the large heavy breathing behemoth looming over her.

''Th- Thank you.'' she meekly stuttered out

Grunt merely flicked his gaze between the pasted turian and her before grunting and sullenly said. ''Was hardly a fight at all.''

Not understanding this she continued. ''Anyway thank you so much I thought for sure that creep would rape me but then you swooped in and saved me like well I guess a super hero.'' with that she quickly fled obviously scared of her saviour.

At the final words Grunt paused, his Battlemaster had often told him stories of Superheroes- people of extreme power who would often protect others and fight evil. With a evil gleam Grunt had an idea and took off into the Wards determined to show those _hero's_ how a krogan does it.

* As you can see I am trying to cover as many of the crews morning afters as I can but I will be mainly focussing on Shepard finding Tali and Vice Versa. I will use several concepts used in the Movie :The Hangover but I will add some of my own idea's as well. Note there is no stone called a Delgat it was just something meant to be a space stone or something.

Also at the end of each Chapter I will put a story from a crew member during the night before showing their exploits while drunk, sometime these may affect the present story or they may not.*


	3. Chapter 3

*Another chapter, remember to comment and review nothing fancy but would still be appreciated *

Miranda woke into a world of cold: as soon as she woke the first series of thoughts were blocked out by the dominating force of a killer headache thankfully her engineered biology meant she could block it out within a couple minutes. One that had been taken care of she suddenly noticed her clothing or lack of to be more precise. She seemed to be butt naked on a stained mattress, looking around the dismal room she was in ,it seemed like some crack den back room their was no furniture apart from a scrawny chair set into the corner what was the cause of her chills was the large open window, as she made got up to close it she soon realised it was impossible because it was not a opened window the glass had merely been smashed in and left.

Shaking her head at such dismal surroundings she tried to piece together last night but even her 'perfect' bioengineering could not pierce the veil left by the elcor ale. _I need to contact Shepard or the others and regroup_ although most women would have been left dazed and hopeless at the prospect at being alone, naked and lost somewhere deep in the wards ,Miranda was not some damsel in distress she so despised she used cold pragmatic thinking that made her achieve such a level of fame at her previous position within Cerberus. Already the gears within her mind being the turn out new idea's when suddenly her frenzied thinking was halted when a feminine moan could be heard from the mattress and then she noticed the breathing form underneath the thin sheets. Curiosity and disgust at possibly her past actions she edged towards the shape and when she peeled back the filthy sheet she recoiled as if it contained a viper.

Underneath the sheet lying equally naked was a sleeping Jack but Miranda eyes were drawn the ripped part of her jumpsuit quickly scanning the room she found the shredded remains of her clothes.

The Penny finally dropped as well as her jaw as she realised the thing she committed the previous night.

…...

The search of the suite continued Shepard was beginning to sink into despair as the events began to sink into his mind: his crew scattered over the Citadel, Miranda a known ex Cerberus, Kasumi one of the galaxy's best thief, Zaeed a merc who over his long career had many rivals. But the one that brought the most worry and guilt at his own failure to protect her was Tali, alone somewhere and with Quarians reputation and her striking figure their was a likely chance someone may take advantage of her. As anger and rage at the possibility of something like that occurring he was snapped out of his brooding thoughts as Mordin shot up out of his close inspection of a tipped over couch and produced a slip of paper.

''What is it Mordin?'' inquired Shepard

''Mmmm appears to be a receipt for Citadel souvenir shop apparently you bought over 25 fish.''

''Well were are they?''

Garrus head poke round the corner. ''I believe I can answer that.'' walking round the corner showed a grill set with several burnt chunks scattered on the top. ''I would seem we got a bit hungry during the day.''

Shaking his head in wonderment and only guessing what over crazy things him and crew were up to.

''Well I guess we might as well be on our way maybe from their we can find what happened.''

''What about the room?'' asked Garrus.

Quickly scanning the area he knew that it would take several hours just to make the place at least presentable. ''let housecleaning do it, I'm sure they won't charge Commander Shepard.'' flashing a smile that showed he was as convinced with the idea as much as the other two were.''

''Suuuure well I guess we might as well be on our way.'' said Garrus stepping outside Shepard was about to follow him when Mordin motioned for him to hold back waiting several seconds him and the salarian left the room and Mordin quickly talked out of earshot of Garrus.

''Shepard I have been thinking how often does Miss' Zorah drink?''

Slightly off put by the question Shepard was at first hesitant to answer. ''Well as far as I know never on the fleet since they don't have the resources to brew or carry alcohol and I think she have only had a couple glasses of Turian wine while on the SR-2.

Nodding slowly Mordin lowered his head and said ''Shepard I have a fear due to Miss' Zorah inexperience with alcohol and due to certain factors with the quarian equivalent of your liver most likely she drank more alcohol after the elcor ale it is highly likely that she maybe still drunk.''

That statement brought his fears and worries rushing to the front: not only was she alone she could also be drunk, oh Jesus the trouble she could find herself in, thinking of that made Shepard instinctively quicken his pace and strengthen his resolve to find her.

''Well then I guess we have no time to waste.'' he answered grimly.

.

'Come on Zaeed.'' whispered Kasumi as they both set off at a brisk pace.

''Yeah yeah keep your hood on.'' huffed the merc: ever since he had woken up with the young thief in some dumpster down in the wards they had been running from hell and back trying to get to grip with their situation.

''Still, you gotta admit that was one hell of a hangover.'' grinned Zaeed

Kasumi simply glared at him before turning around and opened up her Omni-tool that she had 'liberated' from a electronic store. ''mmmhhh seems C-sec are gathering at 51-32 street maybe we should check it out.''

Zaeed snorted ''Yeah a crime being committed in the wards it could have only been us.''

Kasumi spun round ''listen you old git! The reports said that it seems the Turian councillors private shuttle as well as several of his busts so I'm guessing it was us.''

Disgruntled at her previously unheard of tone he retorted .''and how did you come to that conclusion.''

''Because the C-sec reports states that written next to the shuttles parking bay a wrote was placed saying _'taking it for a spin P.S Zaeed rules_'' said Kasumi with no small amount of mirth in her voice.

Quieted at his obvious inability to handle his drinking he lapsed into silence as they continued to make their way down the streets.

Upon finally arriving at the destination they were greeted by dozens of C-sec agents working over the site of a crashed shuttle and the broken remains of several bust heads one of which appeared to have make-up plastered across its features.

''Kasumi we got to get out of here they probably have my face so in the presence of a crime scene isn't such a good idea.''

Nodding quickly Kasumi's head snapped up. ''Ok how bout we meet down that alley we came across I'll cloak and snoop around here for anything I'll meet you in bout 20 minutes.''

Nodding his agreement he quickly turned and walked away from the wreckage turning his head around he wasn't surprised to the young thief gone from sight.

Making his way down the alley Zaeed leaned against wall and sighed deeply to himself, his head was still hurting from his wake up as he tried in vain to remember the events of last night. Chuckling to himself: he always prided himself on his ability to keep a cool head with off his face but last night_. That elcor ale was worth every credit_ he thought bitterly.

Snapping out of his thoughts by a deep resounding bang coming from a nearby dumpster he walked towards it and paused. Again a series of bangs could be heard from the inside, taking a close look he could see that a metal bar had been stuck through the handle making in un open able from the inside.

Wondering if he should open it or not he decided he could take on some street rat hoping for an easy target.

Preparing himself he quickly he pulled out the bar only for the lid to shoot open and the thing that Zaeed saw stunned him in place: Joker the pilot leaned over the edge heavily breathing his face streaked with dirt and his cap missing showing a shock of scruffy brown hair looking up at his rescuer Joker gasped a single word. ''help!''

Suddenly a Vorcha shot up from behind the pilot and wrapped his arms around his waist.

''Master has saved us! We thank you master!''

Reeling from the crushing hug Joker desperately pleaded ''Jesus Zaeed get it off me before it breaks something.''

Prying the Vorcha off him he had to keep it restrained as it continually attempted to latch itself back onto Joker.

''Joker?'' questioned Zaeed

The pilot held up his hands ''Hey I don't know all I remember is just getting wasted on the elcor stuff and next thing I know I wake up cramped and lodged in this dumpster with THAT next to me hugging me calling 'master.''

As Joker tried to clamber out of the dumpster he deftly fell onto the floor groaning as he damaged his previously aching body. The Vorcha seemingly angry his Joker pain went to greater lengths to escape Zaeed. '' Master saved us from the slavers we love the master , the master is our friend! Poor Envol has sworn to serve master!''

''Jesus get it away from me!'' cried Joker.

Zaeed swiftly chopped his hand down onto the Vorcha's temple knocking it out cold, quickly he and Joker made their way away from the unconscious body but they bumped into the appearing form of Kasumi.

''Zaeed? Were did you find Joker and why the hell was their a Vorcha call you master?''

Joker's head shot up and a look of fear creped into his eyes shaking his head before stumbling away and angrily saying. ''it's a long story C'mon! Chakwas and Kelly are in trouble!''

Sharing a quick glance the thief and mercenary swiftly caught up the muttering pilot.

.

Stumbling down the streets Kelly and Chakwas supported each other as they rather ungracefully walked down the street.

''you know what? You are the best *hick* doctor like ever!'' exclaimed Chakwas throwing her arms in the air.

''No silly you're the *hick* the doctor I'm .. wait what am I again?'' questioned Kelly ''O yeah I'm the commander!'' said the young women trying to imitate a striking pose only to fall over.

Hoisting her up Chakwas exclaimed ''C'mon Commander I, I know this rreeaaally great place.''

''Lead the way then!'' shouted Kelly

After several minutes of continuous stumbling and tripping over they finally arrived at their destination : C-sec HQ

''This place *hick* this place is the greatest club in the world.'' proudly said Chakwas ''but! But there is a secret password?''

Looking round Kelly leaned ''what is it?'' whispered the young women as if it was the important secret.

''Well first you gotta, throw a stone or somet into through like the window and BAM! You get a free pass into the club!'' beaming with pride at the apparent street knowledge

Taking the statement Kelly picked up a nearby rock and threw it, as it sailed through the air it busted the front window with a loud crash. Instantly several officers came rushing out looking for the vandals.

''Oh no!'' cried Chakwas ''I guess its full!'' before giving a loud burp she continued ''c'mon then I know another great club

Stumbling away from the searching officers they continued deeper into the wards they arrived at some dingy back alley.

''Well here it is!'' shouted Chakwas

Looking up at the sign Kelly could see the form of a scandally clad asari and in deep purple letters the name _Ishbets dancers._

_Smiling with a look of contented ignorance Kelly said a single word. '' Coooool.'' before her and doctor made their way into the strip club._

*there I did the Miranda scene I hope you all happy with yourself =)

Comment, review criticize were needed*


	4. Chapter 4

*Yes in case you did not know the final part on my last chapter with Kelly and Chakwas was from the night before the final part on all my future chapters will be from the night before

Comment, rate, review -I've allowed anonymous reviewing*

''Hey Shepard! Down here!'' Garrus's voice rang down the busy street, instantly Shepard began to rather forcefully push himself into the crowd drawing more than a few curses and slanted looks while Mordin follow closely making use of the rift left in his wake.

Garrus stood outside the citadel souvenir store before turning and briskly walking inside followed by Shepard and Mordin, as they entered the store a human male working at the counter raised his arms and a look of joy and recognition played across his face.

''hey! How are my favourite customers doing? Garrus you crazy son of a bitch the things you did, blew, my , mind!'' before he jogged up and gave the three surprised people a hug each.

''eeer thanks.'' muttered Garrus clearly not knowing how to deal with the thought of him doing outlandish things and being un able to remember them were worrying him.

Shepard quickly but in. ''yeah that's the thing..''

''Josh.'' corrected the salesmen confused.

''Yeah Josh, the thing is we can't remember a dam thing from last night so if you wouldn't mind..''

Realisation spread came to Josh's face. ''well of course you don't you crazy a**holes, not after that elcor ale you drank.'' laughing giddily .

''Yeah so as you can see we need abit of help, we can't find the others so who else was with us? What time? And did we say anything about where we came from or where we were going?''

''mmmh well their was you three, this black guy who looked abit like a roid head in my opinion. This scarred guy -Zaid I think - hell of guy ,best poker face I've seen in a while and that's it I think. The time I'd say bout 1-2 in the morning I ain't to sure.''

''Did you see a quarian with us?''

''Quarian? Na though I heard you saying you were going to meet a somet Zorah at the wedding.''

''Wedding?'' interjected Mordin

''Yeah wedding, apparently you were on your way to one so you came here hung around for abit bought half my stock then left, well cept that black guy he kept muttering about a prize or something and wandered off to the lower wards.''

Shepard nodded clearly glad that at least some of last night had been figured out but sadly it did not bring him any close to finding out were exactly Tali was.

''You know where it was going to happen?''

''Eeerrmmm, yeah Talguts missionary down on B3:20 street.''

''Thanks again Josh you've helped a lot.''

Shepard and Mordin went over to the outside to discuss how they were going to get their and who could have possibly been getting married, as the two continued talking Garrus walked up behind the clerk and whispered.

''Erm, Josh exactly what things did I do?''

Josh let out a loud barking laugh ''Oh Garrus you horn dog! You really don't remember ? No, well anyway you made a bet with that Zaid guy to see who could pick up the most women -mind you , both of you were pissed as a fart so I didn't get my hopes up. Anyway turns out Zaid only got a few slaps but within 20 minutes you walked in with 2 humans and a turian draped around you. You asked if you could 'borrow my back room' of course I let you and let me just say the pounding that came out of their could put a krogan porn star to shame, you came out barely even sweating and left just as the others set off for the church.''

During the entire recollection Garrus's jaw hung limply amazed at his ability to pick up three women at once while drunk?

''really?''

''course you old devil! Those women came out 20 minutes after you left and could barely walk five steps without keeling over.'' laughing heartedly.

''Oh damm I can't believe - anyway thank you. I need to get going.'' running to catch up to his friends.

''Anyway time Garrus! And thanks again for letting me record it on our security camera's.'' shouted Josh chuckling to himself as he to walked off into the back room.

When Garrus finally caught up with the other two Shepard looked at him strangely. ''Garrus what was that about, why was he laughing so much?''

''Oh! Nothing I just told him a funny joke that's all.'' replied the turian behind a fake smile.

''riight anyway we need to get going to that church, see if they know were the other crew is.''

As the trio left the trading floor a news-vid terminal sprung to life and announced the local news.

''Any Citadel residents within A2:39 street please remain in doors, reports of a mad krogan attacking people have been sent in alarming numbers, when C-sec officers tried to subdue him he merely shouted the words ' you villains with never stop the grunta-saures rex' C-sec officials claim they are using all available resources to track down and subdue the fugitive.

_.

''What do you mean Kelly and Chakwas are in trouble?'' questioned Kasumi catching up to the stumbling pilot.

''They're trapped at this strip club, probably to drunk to know the sh*t they have gotten themselves into.

''And how do you know this?'' questioned Zaeed.

Jokers face immediately reddened as he realised how he had trapped himself. ''aahh well yeah, I got this feeling that they were in there and I went inside to check it out, the place is called _Ishbets Dancers _its on A2:66 street.

''Jesus that place is a hell hole what the hell have those two gotten themselves into?'' swore Zaeed

''Hopefully not much but it might not stay like that c'mon we can get a taxi over here.'' pointed out Kasumi as they hastily piled into the open door and ordered the driver to take them to their destination.

They ran down dirty alley after dirty alley before finally arriving at the destination.

''Dam this place smells!'' cried Kasumi covering her mouth. ''how the hell did you manage here Joker.?''

''Must have had other things on his mind.'' muttered Zaeed

''Be quite!'' scolded Joker ''lets just go in and see if we can find them.''

Zaeed snorted ''ppft like that will work they will probably just shoot you anyway .''

''O yeah you have a better plan?''

Zaeed set a sideways glance at Kasumi ''in fact I just might have.''

'' so this is it?'' said Shepard rather unimpressed at the small dismal building that served as Talguts missionary. ''why the hell was it picked here?''

''Like I know, anyway lets just go in and ask.'' said Garrus rather gruffly as the trio made their way up the steps.

Upon entering the small foyer they could see the interior was just as good at the frontal view, patches of damp mold had set in the corner and cheap obviously fake fancy furniture was placed at the corner.

A Batarian wearing a priest garb walking round the corner to answer the visitors and suddenly he stopped when met with the three.

''Aaaahhh you three! Quite a night you had last night, I haven't held a service like that in years and never with so much drink.'' he finished with a dry laugh.

He then briskly walked up and gave Mordin a deep hug. ''And here he is! The man of the hour, how are you enjoying our new wife?''

Mordin reeled at the news ''Me? No can't be , must be mistaken , I couldn't possible..'' Mordin trailed off fear set in his large darting eyes. Obviously the doctor was dumfounded that it was he who the marriage was for.

''I certainly am sure I remember your quick fire vows and I certainly remember your friends here.'' he then turned to Garrus with a sly smile ''And it is good to see you can still walk Mr Vakarian even after your experience wit those 3 women before the marriage.''

''Garrus?'' questioned Shepard looked at the startled turian.

''I'll explain later Shepard, anyway, Talgut we were blind drunk as you can obviously guess and we made lots of mistake's last night. We need this whole thing annulled as soon as possible that ok?''

The priest sadly nodded. ''yes of course it can, breaks my heart but yes but you will need both parties present before I can.''

A small cough came from Mordin. '' aahh yes well since our memory is a little.. Vague could you give us a depiction of the bride or her address?''

''certainly'' before he disappeared around the corner.

As he left Shepard turned slowly to the salarian. ''Mordin? You alright?''

''considering the fact I have married a stranger most of the team is missing Garrus here may have contracted an STD and now the headache is starting to return I must say I'm not at my best.''

Shepard nodded solemnly ''I know Mordin we have all done some stupid sh*it lately but we will be able to fix this don't worry.'' patting Mordin shoulder

Garrus however was less of a comrade in this matter as he burst into a rolling laughter .''ha-ha Mordin you, you married someone drunk? God I wonder what she will look like? Hehe I bet it's a kroga -hmpf'' but his mocking was cut short by Shepard's elbow to his ribs.

Before Garrus could respond Talgut came around corner. ''she lives on A2:39 street and last night she mentioned that she just had a new blue door fitted.''

Mordin shook the priest hand. ''thank you, you've helped a lot.''

As the three turned around and walked out the door they hurriedly tried to find the nearest taxi console, suddenly the priest leaned out of the door.

''One more thing Mordin, she is a hanar!'' he called out before slamming the door shut.

The trio hung in stunned silence until an audible gulp issued from Mordin. ''Hanar?''

Jacob continued running , casting fearful glances behind him. Thankfully it seemed he had lost the crazed women who had been chasing him even in with his superb physical fitness the past 2 hours of fleeing had been a exhausting experience from Jacob so scanning his surroundings he decided to slip into an alley for a rest.

Resting his back against the wall he tried to piece together the ordeal that had been the past several hours, he remembered drinking the ale leaving the bar then just blackness and then, the stinging headache and fleeing for his life from dozens of crazed women. He was snapped out of his brooding when the padded sound of feet and feminine voices could be heard _sounds like only a couple maybe I could take them_. Preparing himself he gathered up his energy and his courage and leaped out until as if slamming into a wall his ambush was halted by the sight.

Miranda wearing some dirty ward clothes with an equally dirt streak face that held great anguish and eyes were dimmed with hopelessness, next to her was Jack in a new pair of fleece pants. Each looked as if they had been dragged through a bush backwards.

''Miri?'' questioned Jacob.

It seemed the two women were equally surprised to see him as them and Miranda was momentarily speechless before she suddenly leaped forward and wrapped Jacob into a deep hug.

''Oh thank you! Finally someone tolerable!'' Miranda almost crying with relief

Though unexpected Jacob instantly relaxed to the welcome contact with Miranda and hesitantly patted her back.

''Miranda its good to see you, so I'm guessing you're suffering from last night as well?''

She gave small laugh. ''you have no idea.''

Jacob was about to question further but the downcast look of Miranda persuaded him not to, well that and the chop motion Jack made across her neck.

''Well anyway its good to see both of you alive again.''

Just then Jack decided to interrupt ''yeah yeah we're all one big f**king brandy bunch c'mon we need to move!''

''Move? Move where?''

Miranda took Jacob's hand as they hurriedly jogged down the street. ''well after me and Jack… woke up, we did some looking around, no I did some looking around Jack did some threatening and we discovered something disturbing.''

''What?''

''It seems that at _Danesh's joint _there have been reports of a certain quarian has been doing lap dances and downing shots.''

''You mean-''

''Well unless you know another quarian who has recently been blind drunk then yeah we think its Tali.''

''Well shouldn't we find Shepard then?''

''If Shepard is half as smart as I give him credit for he will already have found this out and be on his way as well.''

''True. True so what's this _Danesh's joint like?''_

''Its this club run by some Volus ,only the lowest go their: slavers, red sand dealers that kinda cliental. So we need to get over there fast.''

''Ok then lead the way.'' pointed Jacob as he, Miranda and Jack drove into a new burst of speed.

''I now pronounce you man and wife.''

A huge cheer swept across the small church as Mordin leaned in and kissed what Garrus believed to be the mouth of the hanar standing in front of him.

''three cheers!'' shouted Shepard

''Hip hip hurrah!''

''Hip Hip hurrah!'' as Shepard went behind the salarian and placed him on his shoulders

''Hip Hip Hurrah!'' the final cry became defining as several people most of which were passer bys who had been invited to the wedding, Talgut realising that his work was done shook Mordin and his wife hand/tentacle before making his way towards his own private quarters.

''Y'know Mordin you're *hick* you're awesome, ''said Zaeed hanging lazily by Garrus shoulders. ''and your wife? What a looker I've never seen such a nice shade of pink and those tentacle's to die for!''

''Hehe thanks,'' beamed Mordin before he had to lean over a pew and release his stomach contents.

''This one is happy to have finally met such an outstanding man.'' came the ethereal voice of the hanar.'' this one cannot wait for the spawning season to commence how many should we have three or four?''

Mordin beamed ''why stop their lets have five!''

a weird stuttering sound came from the hanar before it became apparent it was laughter. ''This one believes five dozen are to many.''

''Dozen?'' questioned Mordin

Garrus suddenly interrupted ''enough talk bout squid babies time for shots!'' he declared

The group made their way towards a long table filled edge to edge with several small glasses full of liquid. Each person took a single one while the hanar took 3 which each tentacle every person in the room raised there're glass as Shepard made his speech.

''I, I am honoured to know Mordin he is the most awesome man I know! And what a brain!'' slurred Shepard before breaking off into uncontrolled laughter for a reason no one could decipher but still joined in. ''anyway as I was saying he is an awesome guy and as I'm sure the now Mrs Mordin will soon discover! To Mordin!''

''To Mordin.'' the crowd echoed.

Then for the second time that night the shots were downed.

*Criticize, rate , review

Also the street names in this chapter are references to something game related if you know post it in the reviews/comments and I'll give you a cookie- maybe *


	5. Chapter 5

*Its nice to see that the whole Hanar/ Mordin thing has gone down well =)

And yeah the reference was to Halo Reach: they were the Spartan's service tags, just thought I'd do it because I completed reach by myself round bout the time I wrote that Chapter up

Comment, Rate, Criticize*

*Note to the anon who said about Tali being un characteristic in doing lap dances, you have to keep in mind she is so drunk she probably can't remember her own name so she may be possible of doing such things*

''I can't believe I married a Hanar.'' cried Mordin as his head hung limply in his hands.

''Don't worry it happens to the best of us.'' comforted Garrus.

''Who? Who else do you know gets blind drunk and marries a Hanar.'' retorted Mordin.

Shepard glanced back from the drivers seat. ''I knew a guy in college who got drunk and made love to a plant pot, does that count?''

Mordin just gave an exasperated sigh and returned to placing his head in his hands.

Shepard pulled the shuttle over. '' C'mon you two we need to see the new Mrs Solus and see if we can get this whole thing sorted.''

The trio stepped out the shuttle and looked down the street: it was obvious the area had seen better days: graffiti was painted on most the walls, bins were tipped over and the sidewalks were stained a decaying brown colour. As they made their way down the street they clearing saw their destination, a 2 story building in an equal level of squalor as its companions but the bright blue door that had the clear veneer of being recently fitted told them it was the place Talgut described.

''Well Mordin you first , it is your wife after all.'' teased Garrus.

''I can still implant a neural to you with my Omni-tool.'' warned Mordin.

''Aaaa right never mind then.'' muttered Garrus.

As they neared then door and Mordin gave a light rap on it they stood in silence. ''well it seems she isn't in I guess we go?'' hurried Mordin already halfway down the porch.

''Hang on a second.'' interrupted Shepard before pounding on the door much harder than last time, unlike Mordin's half hearted attempt ,sounds could be heard from the other side and soon the door swing open and stood there was Mordin's hanar wife.

''This one is glad to see you honey.'' echoed the hanar before sweeping forwards and wrapping her appendages around a nervous Mordin.

''Err, yes its , pleasant to see you as well.''

The hanar stepped backwards keeping her tentacles on Mordin's shoulders. ''Is something wrong?''

Mordin glanced down suddenly apprehensive about how he would break this to her. ''why don't we sit down first?''

The entire club was in uproar with patrons from several different species all pounding there fists on the table and chanting along to the unknown back drop that had enveloped the room since the whole spectacle began.

Near the centre of the stage a large crowd of more drunk or desperate people who grabbed forwards with credit chits clutched between talons, hands and in one case a tentacle, all pawing and shouting words of adoration and vulgarity: and all this was towards the gyrating quarian on the stage.

Tali'Zorah had been in what her drunken mind could piece the together, the best time of her life, she arrived at the club a while back to bad looks and hushed voices but when she flung herself onto the stage and began to give traditional quarian dances (only with a slight drunken exoticness thrown in somewhere) the mood of the entire club quickly changed as men and asari crowded round to get a better few at the lap dancing quarian.

''If *Hick* if ooonly Shuperd was *hick* here'' mumbled Tali her voice not even audible over the blurring of the techno music that the club owner had begin to play to enhance her dancing.

''Oh well *hick* I'll guess I will just have to give him a _personal_ dance tonight.'' giggled Tali, instantly aroused at the thought of her performing a dance for her lovers viewing pleasure. Suddenly she burst through into a new round of twirling and spinning before quickly spreading her lithe legs into a slow steady split across the floor that instantly received several jeers and cat calls from amongst the viewers, a quick glance towards the door showed even more people bustling in to view the show.

''Wow *hick* I guess I'm popular hehehehe.'' laughed Tali for several seconds before she forgot what she was laughing about. She reckoned that she had been dancing for a couple hours, or a couple minute's she wasn't really sure but she could still feel the leaden weights of fatigue wrap around her thighs and arms and knew she would have to take a break soon. Wrapping herself around a nearby pole she gave a finishing twirl before stumbling of the stage with sighs and cheers of approval alike greeting her exit.

Seeing that the show was over the background tracks changed to the normal style of songs and the dance floor quickly filled with clubbers once more. The quarian took a secluded seat in a darkened corner and ordered another sterilized shot from the waitress who assured her that her one-night free drinks was still up - courtesy of her otherwise free dancing.

As she reclined in her chair she thought back to her recent events: all she could remember were a few broken fragments, leaving the bar, stumbling down some streets before seeing the prettiest sign she ever saw and before she knew it she was dancing in front of several dozen drunken people. Her reprieve was broken when she saw the shapes of 3 men move towards her.

''Hey there you pretty young thing.'' smiled the first, a weasel of a man who's greasy hair streaked across his eyes causing him to constantly brush it with a equally filthy claw of a hand.

''Yeah nice moves.'' piped up a Turian with hideous dirt streak tattoo's plastered randomly across his scarred head.

''Oh really?'' slurred Tali completely ignorant to the sly glances the three men shared. ''well why don't you sit down so we can get to know each other?''

''Oh that's awfully kind of you sugar.'' replied the third one seemingly their leader - a broad shouldered man with a weathered face that seemed to be in a permanent scowl. ''I'm sure me and the boys would love to see the real you.''

''So I hope there are no hard feelings?'' finished Mordin.

The Hanar rested there in stunned silence.

''Ishnek? Are you alright.''

The hanar equivalent of a sigh emitted from her ''No not really this has come as quite a shock for me.''

The trio inwardly cursed but before they could talk she spoke.

''But I understand it was rushed and I could see you were drunk so, I will help to make the marriage void.'' said the hanar with obvious pain in her voice.

Mordin almost shot up with joy. ''brilliant, well no not brilliant but its nice to see that progress has been made , now first we need to locate the remainder of our crew.''

Another sigh could be heard. ''Oh ok I'll see you later then.''

As the trio made there hasty retreat from the house they each let out a collective sigh of relief upon exit.

''You got to admit.'' said Garrus ''you did feel a little sorry for her.''

''Yeah but we need to find the others.'' said Shepard.

As they made there way down the street they were quickly halted as each heard the sound of distant thundering.

''Is that gunfire?'' questioned Garrus.

''No, more like, mass footsteps.'' corrected Mordin. ''and coming this way.''

''But what from?'' asked Shepard.

Unfortunately that was quickly answered as a massive crowd of vorcha and volus flew around the corner. Hastily one pointed towards Garrus, ''there he is! Our liege!''

''What is he talking about.'' shouted Garrus backing away.

Suddenly a brief flash ran into Shepard's mind ''Garrus I think I know where that crown came from.''

Garrus jaws dropped ''Oh damm, we gotta-''

His plan was cut short as the mob ran faster than the trio thought possible and swooped Garrus up and took off down the street.

''Guys help!'' called Garrus

''We have to go after them.'' shouted Shepard.

Just before they were about to set off they were going to be halted again on the same street, except this time by the sight of Jacob, Miranda and Jack running towards them.

''Shepard? Jesus what are the chances of meeting you here? And what the hell was that mob doing with Garrus?'' said Jacob in between panted breath.

''He we could say the same, and as for Garrus not a clue.'' smiled Shepard.

Jack suddenly shot forward. ''Yeah yeah kisses all around anyway Shepard we have found Tali.''

Before the final word had even come out Shepard clamped his hands on Jack's shoulders ''where!''

''Hey! Off!'' scolded Jack. ''we saw her at _Danesh's joint_. ''

''Why would she be there?'' questioned Mordin.

The other three quickly averted there gaze from Shepard each willing the other to answer for them. finally Miranda took the responsibility. ''It seems, that she is doing dances for people.''

She quickly flinched expecting a outburst from the spectre when she opened her eyes she could see him with a much more troubled look on his face but that was all.

''Yeah Mordin I guess you were right about Tali still being drunk.'' said Shepard

''What?'' asked Jacob

''Never mind.'' said Shepard cutting him off ''firsts thing first we need to get Tali _and_ Garrus from the weirdo's that took him, so Jack , Jacob you follow them and try and get Garrus back, me Miranda and Mordin will get Tali.''

''Right.'' said Jacob throwing a hasty salute before him and the ex-convict ran off after the crowd.

Shepard turned towards Miranda ''right then lead the way!''

''So help me god if any of you say a thing about this I will kill you.'' raged Kasumi as she stormed out of the clubs back entrance in a skimpy leather costume.

''aaww C'mon.'' laughed Zaeed wiping tears from his remaining eye. ''I told you the plan would work.

''Oh yeah the plan were I pretend to be a whore!'' huffed Kasumi storming behind a nearby bin to change into her usual attire.

''I must say It was still a rather convincing show she played in there.'' laughed Chakwas walking out of the club with Kelly as well. This particular comment drew an angry growl from around the bin.

''Thanks for getting us out Kasumi some of the guys in there I bet were undressing us with there eyes.'' shuddered Kelly.

''Yeah yeah you all owe me big.'' muttered Kasumi as she strolled out in her usual hooded outfit.

Suddenly Joker piped up. ''I thought you looked rather nice.''

Upon receiving the venomous glance from the Japanese women he held up his hands. ''No punching the cripple!'' he cried.

''Yeah yeah, you can't hide behind that forever ,anyway Chakwas, Kelly why don't you tell them what you told me about what Tali has been up to.''

Kelly's eye's hardened. ''oh yeah well, we overheard the owner talking about how this club called _Danesh's joint_ that apparently has a certain act that has been taking quite a few patrons from bars and clubs all over the wards.'' paused Kelly.

''Yeah carry on girl.'' snapped Zaeed.

The young women swallowed nervously .''It seems a female quarian has been doing lap dances and god knows what else there.'' she finished to a stunned silence.

As each person pieced together what that meant they each voiced their opinion.

''F*ck.'' swore Zaeed.

'' たわごと .'' spat Kasumi in her native tongue.

''Wonder if we can get some pics.'' questioned Joker

When all that answered his question was cold silence, hard stare's and the cracking of knuckle's he immediately blanched.

''Joke! Joke!''

_The Night before…_

So far the heist was going as smoothly as possible, she had managed to avoid any security , gain access to the compound and infiltrate through the series of twisting corridors that seemed to lie and trick the eye as to where you were.

But finally her : Kasumi Goto , the galaxy's finest thief had reached her prize, it sat there metres away from her, edging her on with its siren call and its glamour. Each step brought her closer and her tongue flicked out to lick her suddenly dried lips. Four more steps, three more, two-

''Hey what are you doing there?'' rang a questioning voice.

Cursing, Kasumi quickly rolled to the side and sprinted away bewildered that she had been detected but promised that her discoverer would never catch her.

As Steven watched the young women sprint away a puzzled look played across his features, mainly because of the fact as to why he walked past to see the _Citadel sweets and confectionary emporium_ window broken in, when he followed through to investigate he saw her crawling towards a cookie jar mumbling some weirdo backing track.

Deciding that it would be better not to bother trying to figure this out he turned around and made his way to the window, on his way he saw the exact same women running into the closet and apparently hitting the back wall if the resounding _thump gave any indication._

With a roll of his eye's and a shake of his head Steven stepped out the store

''crazy chick.'' he mumbled to himself.

*Yes I know it took me ages t get this piece out its just that schools been hell, loads of work to do. But I will try to get them out sooner if my laziness can be slightly controlled. Also the Japanese stuff is Japanese for sh*t if its wrong sorry I just looked it up on a Google translator

Also yeah I know I did skip the Kasumi dressing up as a whore scene but I really want to get through this and get to the climatic ending

Comment, Rate, Criticize*

*And once again now I don't think Tali would normally do this but she IS drunk as hell*


	6. Chapter 6

*New Chapter yeah sorry but Medal of Honor took a couple days away from me,

Also to the reviewer raazz 1 thanks for bothering to review, appreciated, and 2 I do put line breakers in it works for the Bioware site I post these on but apparently not this site I will see what I can do about it, also yeah I know about the mistake's again I do these mistake's a lot and not just with my fanfic but I do re-read it and I get rid a good amount of one's thankfully.*

* * *

''Move it Mordin! We need to get to Tali!'' encouraged Shepard to the lagging scientist

''You *pant* you be one of the oldest members of your *pant* species with a hangover and *pant* lets see how well you do.'' puffed Mordin trundling along, far behind the other two.

* * *

''Move your crippled ass!'' shouted Zaeed. Jogging down the street as the group behind him rounded another corner.

''Hey unless you want to carry me shut it.'' shot back Joker.

''Why don't we just take a shuttle?'' questioned Kelly

''Well considering Zaeed put the driver at gunpoint forgetting that his door was still closed could be an answer.'' huffed Kasumi shooting a look at the mercenary.

''Yeah yeah whatever you say, whore.'' muttered Zaeed.

''What was that?'' shouted the thief.

''I said we are almost there come on.'' corrected Zaeed.

* * *

''Jack hang back, we don't want to alert them.'' warned Jacob as he and Jack closely stalked the mob holding the still struggling Garrus above there heads despite his several kicks and punches.

''Pfft like that will happen, a rabid Varren could be f**king their leg and they won't notice, to busy with their 'king'.'' replied Jack smirking at the situation the tight ar*ed turian was in.

''Just in case.'' cautioned Jacob.

''Why Don't we just shoot them?'' moaned Jack.

Jacob clasped his head in his palm. ''because Jack -'' he paused. ''wait, that ain't really a bad plan, but maybe we could threaten them with the guns instead.''

''Yeah yeah, goody to shoe's lets just go before-'' said Jack before looking ahead.

''Sh*t.''

''What- wait, were did the mob go?''

* * *

''So then what's your name, sweet thing?'' slurred weasel face. Already downing his fifth free shot of asari vodka.

''Its , erm , wait its coming back to me.'' mumbled Tali momentarily silent as she tried to remember .''O yeah that's right Tali'Zorah Vas something.''

''that's a very pretty name.'' said the turian as his arm slowly began to rest on the quarians.

Suddenly Tali leaned forward and spoke into a hushed whisper. ''But Don't tell anyone, but soon *hick* but soon I will be Tali'Shepard vas something.'' she stated proudly.

The men shared a look most likely thinking that it was some person changing thier name to Shepard like the hundreds of others after the Spectre's victory at the citadel, anyway what quarian would be able to score with the living legend himself.

''Mmmh well aren't you lucky? Hey I have an idea why won't the four of us leave this place, I know a great spot that is to die for.'' gruffed the hard faced man, his lackey's eyes lighting up at there understanding.

''I couldn't, I'm *hick* I'm waiting for John Shepard.'' explained Tali.

A cross of confusion flashed across the men but they accounted the name to either an over eager fan , or down to her being drunk but the turian turned this to their advantage. ''Oh that Shepard! Why didn't you say so? We're his friends and he is meeting us at the spot, in fact he told us to get you.'' beamed the man impressed at his own lie.

Tali cocked her head to the side. ''really?''

* * *

''Jesus were did they go?'' questioned Jacob.

''How the f*ck should I know? C'mon maybe they went down that alley seems like the only place they could.'' replied Jack jogging off round the corner with Jacob quickly following her.

After a brief inspection it proved to be fruitless and nothing peculiar could be seen.

''Well it seems there nothing here, sh*t.'' swore Jack kicking a nearby dustbin.

''Ho! Wait look Jack.'' exclaimed Jacob looking at the dustbin she kicked, or more so the wall behind it, in the slight movement caused by the kicked revealed the edge of a dark hole. ''Hey Jack help me with this would you?''

As they both grunted with extortion to move the heavy bin they stood back and looked at the site that greeted them. A large hole a couple feet high and wide was carved into the wall seemingly dug with claws if the deep marks along the edges were any indication, but lying at the entrance to the tunnel was a sure sign this was were the mob had gone.

Garrus's eye piece lay trampled and broken on the floor along with several fresh feet marks imprinted on the nearby filth.

''Well then I guess this is it, you ready?'' asked Jack.

Jacob shuffled his feet and glanced towards the gaping maw of the cave entrance. ''err ladies first.''

''Christ.'' muttered Jack, rolling her eyes she leaned forwards and descended into the darkness.

* * *

''Zaeed can you slow down?'' gasped Joker stumbling along side the equally tired Chakwas as they tried in vain to catch up with the more fit and younger crew members ahead of them.

''Jesus fine then, just so you don't bitch anymore, but if anything happens to Tali its your ass.'' scolded the mercenary.

''Do you think anything has happened to Tali?'' asked Kelly concern written deeply in her kind features.

''My fellow hoodie? Course not , she can take care of herself even if she is drunk.'' reassured Kasumi though a sliver of doubt had penetrated her voice.

''No doubt Shepard is already there doing the daring do and fending off villains and what not.'' reassured Chakwas taking her natural maternal role for the group.

''Yeah and no doubt getting all the women in the process.'' muttered Joker then his head shot up. ''hey do you guys hear that?''

''Hear what?'' questioned Zaeed as the group lapsed into silence to hear the noise, steadily each began to hear the sound of heavy panting and the sounds of bare feet slapping against the floor.

''What is -''

Suddenly Kelly's question was drowned out by the sound that brought a deep chill to Joker's spine.

''Master! We have found you?''

''Oh sh-'' Jokers cry was cut short as the Vorcha leapt over a wall and launched onto Joker wrapping him in a suffocating embrace.

''Master we were so worried we lost you!'' cried the Vorcha.

''Someone, shoot it.'' gasped Joker.

''I got it.'' said Zaeed raising his rifle.

The Vorcha head snapped around eyes narrowed as he glared at Zaeed. ''You! You the one who hurt us, tried to hurt master, we get you!'' and from his leg pocket the Vorcha pulled out a very beaten looking pistol and levelled it at Zaeed (who currently was armour less because he didn't expect a gun fight during the stag night.

After what seemed like an eternity of tension two shots rang out amongst the streets.

* * *

''You two its just here.'' hollered Miranda turning to the tired Shepard and almost passed out Mordin as they struggled to catch up.

''Finally, lets just hope to Christ she is alright.'' exclaimed Shepard.

''I'm *pant* I'm *pant I'm sure, oh forget it.'' gasped Mordin trudging along and nearly collapsing as the trio stopped.

''Were is it Miranda?'' asked Shepard

''Just there.'' pointed Miranda down the dingy street towards the flashing sign written in large neon letter Danesh'sjoint .

''Come on then, were wasting time.'' growled Shepard picturing ways he will punish anyone who even lay a finger on Tali.

* * *

''You sure you know him?'' asked Tali.

''Of course.'' assured the weasel faced man running arm along her arm and giving her a smile to reveal the blackened stumps of several teeth.

''Really? What's his eye colour?'' she asked.

The three men shot worried looks until the turian meekly gave a suggestion ''eeerm, green?''

Although Tali didn't even know his eye colour in her drunk state she reckoned it was right.

''Suppose you do know him, well lets go meet him then.'' said Tali suddenly a lot more happy at the thought of seeing her fiancé again.

''After you.'' growled the leader.

As the four walked towards the door the turian slipped an arm around Tali's waist who remained oblivious as she was lost in thought of what she will do when she sees Shepard again.

''Come on sugar were I'm sure you will love the place.'' whispered the turian.

As they made their way across the bar several patrons cast envious glances at the three man taking away the lithe quarian who had publicly showed everyone just how flexible she could be.

As the group neared the door it swung open and the group that stood there were transfixed at the familiar sight of Tali slumped around the shoulders of a menacing Turian.

Immediately Shepard went into a fighting crouch and balled his fists. ''let her go you bastards!'' he seethed through clenched teeth.

''Pffft get your own prize.'' replied the leader causally pulling out a wickedly barbed and obviously well used knife. ''Now why don't you turn around before I make you sh*t sideways.''

''Not before I cave in your chest.'' came Miranda's cooled threat.

''Or before I cripple your nervous system.'' piped up Mordin his Omni-tool already springing to life.

''Is that so?'' came the turians deep voice pulling out a worn hatchet as the weasel faced man slipped a old revolver from his jacket.

''Coz it seems that you 3 don't that kinetic barriers on.'' smiled the man. ''And it seems your also outnumbered.''

At this remark he noticed several of the rougher bar patrons stalking forwards. ''you seriously thought it was just us three?'' the turian gave a short bark of a laugh.

''Hey Shepard *hick* fancy seeing you here?'' giggled Tali still unaware of the toxic situation brewing around her.

Before he could answer sounds could be heard towards the back of the bar and storming in from the back door came the ragged group of Joker, Kasumi, Kelly, Chakwas and Zaeed who sported a bleeding red line slashed across his cheek.

''Hey Shep hope we didn't miss the fun.'' asked Kasumi as the two also took combat stances while Kelly Chakwas and Joker merely stood behind them in an attempt to look threatening.

''Well well, it seems we have another pretty two things to join our little 'after drink party.'' said the leader. ''but since there is more you of, I guess I will have to call on the ace.'' turning towards a darkened alcove he promptly shouted . ''Hey Francis your up.''

Knowing he knew the name from somewhere the shock that was etched on Shepard's face would almost have been comical if the situation were different, as the huge mountain of muscle's and scale stomped towards the centre of bar calmly looking at each of the two groups respectively.

''Sup.''

''Oh no.'' groaned Shepard.

''Oh no.'' cursed Joker.

''Oh yeah!'' was heard in a mighty bellow before a huge hole in the western wall of the club came crashing through and stood there was a eight foot tall krogan with a series of big bags stitched to his back. ''The Grunt-A-Saurus rex is here to fight for you battle master.''

* * *

Not knowing how to respond to this newest entrance the entire bar became filled with awed silence.

''Hey do you hear chanting?'' asked Jacob.

''Of course I hear chanting!'' swore Jack. ''It means we are on the right track.''

The duo made their way in the low dark tunnel in silence until they final walked into a large dome like cave. Doted around the cave were several LED lamps connected to an old coughing generator, and broken pieces of furniture were placed together in clumps were the floor wasn't covered in filth , trash and broken pieces of metal and plastic that were scattered all over the cave making a stealthy entrance all but impossible though they just hoped it would be masked by the sound of chanting echoing through out the cavern.

In the centre of the cave they saw the mob all in equally fanatic state's of dance and worship all shouting in tones of pain and ecstasy in equal parts. Fires were erected slowly filling the ceiling in a hazy blackness. And all of this was directed to the tied down Turian sitting atop a relatively plush chair with a priceless crown thrown on his head.

''Hey that's Garr- OW! Son of a b*tch.'' swore Jack.

''What?'' hushed Jacob

''I kicked something.'' she complained reaching down into the filth only to pull out something that golden gleam had driven men to do horrible and glorious things alike and the mere mention of its name had led armies to war. In Jacks hand was a solid lump of gold.

''GOLD!'' shouted Jack amazed that such a thing could be found here, that is until she looked around and noticed that lying half covered in patched of dirt and grime the same golden glint could be found.

''O jesus! look at it all!''

''Jack?''

''I mean look at it all!''

''Jack?'' asked Jacob again.

''What!'' she scolded

He merely nodded his head forwards and as she followed the motion ,the lump of gold rolled out of her hand forgotten: the entire cult were there stood as if frozen , all of them had their heads turned towards them. Then at some unknown signal they began to pace towards to intruders.

''Well Sh*t.'' said Jack with a hint of finalism.

* * *

* Yeah I know its late, but it's the best I could do. Comment, rate ,criticize. Sorry If its kinda crap I only get time to do this late at night on school days, next week it's a holiday so I will get a decent chapter up then.

Note there isn't really I reason I did the cool aid thing but I just felt that the story needed it =)

Tell me how the finally will end , Ill do it with two parts, the two big brawls and the after talks

I mean please review I have gotten loads of favourite author and story things which is brilliant It warms my heart to see people liking my work but its even better if you could review, a couple words is all I'm asking*


	7. Chapter 7

*A trip to London has robbed me of three days and Fable 3 will take a good few more, then black ops so unfortunately things may be slower than they already are.

Remember comment, rate ,review. I'm sorry if the later chapters aren't as good I just sort of ran out of enthusiasm half way through but I wanted to finish this. Next Fanfic I've got loads of idea's so I think it will be my best.*

''Ok Jack here's the plan.'' hastily shouted Jacob as the duo slowly backed away from the encroaching horde. ''I'll take that one on the right you, you take the 30 or so on the left.'' said Jacob casting glancing around the room looking for an easy passage of escape.

''You gotta be f*cking with me? I thought you Cerberus goons were good at fighting?'' asked Jack contempt clear in her eyes.

''Oh we are.'' assured Jacob. ''just not when we are outnumbered 20 : 1, we have no weapon and when we have such a huge hangover I can barely keep my hands steady.'' he finished.

Jack just gave a grunt before releasing a biotic shockwave at the horde, it sent half a dozen of the group flying outwards and only 3 on them got back up again.

''C'mon your 3 behind.'' laughed Jack already summoning another shockwave.

Determined to impress the convict Jacob dug into himself and let loose a throw at one of the heavy pieces of furniture towards a close cluster of enemies trying to sneak in from behind, most of them dove out of the way but the slower one was caught in the impact and was left against the wall, his head bent at a unnatural angle.

''I'm catching up.'' said Jacob before a glance to Jack shut him up.

Her entire figure was bathed in glowing blue light , her teeth clenched and her eyes narrowed, her every muscle was wound tight, muscle's straining on her bare arms. One arm was raised upwards holding up a couple enemies who struggled feebly in the zero-G. In her other arm a large glowing ball of biotic energy was massing . Suddenly the blue glow rippled like a wave as she shot her arm forward and sent the warp hurdling into the floating enemies. As if shot by a cannon the two men sky rocketed into the ceiling. One remained there firmly embedded into the rock while the other slowly peeled off before crashing into the ground. As the fire extinguished from her body she once again looked for suitable targets but Jacob could plainly see the dullness in her movements and the glazed look of fatigue in her eyes.

''You alright?'' asked Jacob.

''Shut it and keep killing em!'' gasped Jack launching a warp at a closing Vorcha.

Sensing that the duo were tiring the horde picked up there pace and began to press the advantage. Jacob lifted a trio in the air while Jack sent them slamming into an encroaching group, unfortunately the power behind the biotic was gradually getting weaker and more and more of the people were picking themselves up after being launched.

Jacob launched another warp at the enemy managing to kill a single enemy and snapping the leg of another causing him to fall on the floor writhing and screaming. Slumping to the ground exhausted by the extensive use of biotics in his already tired state left him defenceless. Looking up he could see Jack standing there dead on her feet attempting to summon another wave of biotic energy.

Slowly realising that the enemy was powerless the group of 20 or so remaining hostile's prowled towards them. Suddenly one of the most rewards of the group suddenly let out a shriek that was cut short. Eye's snapped towards the scene as they saw the body -its head twisted into a crooked angle- slump to the ground . Behind the corpse stood Garrus, his bonds cut and his chest heaving in anger. What caused everyone to flinch, Jack and Jacob included was his eyes. The often humour filled or calm chips of ice blazed with previously unseen anger.

''Lord! What is wrong?'' wailed a nearby Vorcha throwing himself at Garrus's feet while others simply stood there transfixed.

Garrus merely responded by raising his leg and brought in slamming down on the neck of the grovelling Vorcha which brought a satisfying crack echoing through the silent hall. Plucking the heavy crown from his head he threw it at a bumbling Volus sending him unconscious to the floor.

The silence that followed the quick take down of the 3 cultists astonished everyone , the turian however took a menacing step forward and said in a dangerous tone. ''No one kidnaps me!'' in a such a way that if words could kill, the reapers themselves would be fleeing.

* * *

''Well then Alf seems we are in for a fight after all.'' muttered the weasel faced man his eyes containing slivers of doubt at the suddenly less one sided fight. It seemed that the other thugs thought the same way and a few attempted to back away. That was until Francis stepped forward clasped the nearest thug's head in a huge scaly slab of muscle, without even a grunt of effort he popped the man's skull and threw away the corpse.

''Anyone else want to have second thoughts?'' asked the krogan glaring the others. Motivated by the grisly death of there comrade the remaining men set to surround the two groups.

''Well then lads we haven't had a decent scrap in ages, just the occasional whore dumb enough to follow us.'' sneered Alf obviously hinting towards the action that Tali herself was about to take.

Shepard also recognized this and bristled with rage at the off hand insult to his fiancé. ''you're going to pay for that ugly!'' he raged.

''Oh really? Well then I seems we have a little ultimate showdown eh?'' the Turian sneered waving his hatchet in front of him in a menacing manner.

''Of Ultimate Destiny?'' piped in Joker, when people around him started giving him weird looks he merely shrugged his shoulders. ''what? You never heard the song? Oh never mind.'' as he retreated back against the bar wall.

A burly batarian made the first move as he lunged at Zaeed with a worn pocket knife, the mercenary easily dodged the amateur blow and came underneath the outstretched arm with his shoulder rose and deftly snapped the bone before spinning around and delivering a knock out punch to the batarian jaw cracking it and sending the man hurdling backward.

The brief but intense fight was a catalyst for everyone else, patrons not wanting to get caught in the fire quickly scrambled out windows while the barman ducked behind the bar and began to dial the number for C-sec. The combatants took this however as the point in which to attack.

''Tesh shoot that bastard!'' growled Alf as the weasel faced man pointed his gunpowder fire arm at Shepard suddenly before he could fire he let out a pained cry and collapsed to the floor in a writhing moaning mess. Mordin smiled at his handy-work and loaded up his Omni-tool for another neural shock.

Shepard lunged forward to get his hands on Alf before the man evaded the dive. _dam he is good _thought Shepard rolling away and springing up before the man could gain an advantage _must be ex-military. _The two circled around each other, both waiting for the other to make the first move, while around them all hell had broken loose.

Miranda stood circled by thugs unsure as to how they should approach the curved beauty in front of them, Miranda on the other hand had no such qualm as she gave precise kicks and punches to throats and groins occasionally amplified with a biotic push.

Zaeed seemed to be in his element as he flung himself into the bar fight and used such dirty handed tactics with so much zeal that even the heartless scum of the wards balked at him. Such pauses proved deadly as Zaeed lashed a fist into a man's crotch resulting in a high pitched shriek before a chop the neck silenced the man.

Kasumi proved to have a supernatural talent for not being there when a thugs blow landed simply weaving and bending out of the way to deliver a series of rapid punches in retaliation, while she lacked the power and mass of Miranda and Zaeed she made up for it with the rate of her punches and her ability to make sure not a single blow struck her.

Grunt still lost in his delusional didn't see this like the others:

_The Brave and Valiant Grunt-a-saurus-rex_ _infiltrated the villains secret underwater, volcanic, outer space lab. Before him his brave comrade's fought valiantly against the vile henchmen of the dreaded Dr EvilMcBadman. Stood there with his monocle and evil moustache stood the mad krogan scientist._

_Knowing what he must do, Grunt-a-saurus-rex charged towards the villain preparing to place himself in the annals of history._

Joker shook his head wondering if he heard Grunt properly already he could hardly believe his immense but still strange entrance and know he charged headlong into the bar roaring something about a _EvilMc something. _As the tank-born moved like a force of nature the combatants wisely sprang out the way, although one lightly dimmer than the rest attempted to bring an old earth pump-action shotgun to bear on the krogan, this attempt never went anywhere as the man was sent sprawling away with 5 broken ribs and a snapped neck.

Francis saw the younger Krogan rushing towards him and turned to meet the threat.

''Heh bring it on pup!'' he laughed and pounded his fists together.

Both of the krogans were surprised as they clashed: Francis because the smaller krogan had actually moved him and grunt because his opponent was not sent sprawling. As the shock subsided the two krogans did what they did best. Hammer each other with their colossus sized fists until either their enemy were dead or they were.

It seemed now the entire fight revolved around the pair and people on both side's disengaged to avoid coming in contact with the whirling fists and shifting mountains of colliding muscle. As the pair flew into the area Shepard and Alf were fighting causing them to break apart and simply glare at each other, there chests heaving in an attempt to get enough oxygen for the fighting head.

The two men lunged at each other and quickly broke into a series of punches, kicks and blocks, neither of the men seemed to have a clear advantage. Alf had longer reach because of his knife and they both knew that a serious cut from it would end the fight much quicker, Shepard on the other hand had more advanced hand-to-hand combat training.

Blocking a savage kick to the knee Shepard let forward a quick punch but the man turned towards it so it merely struck the solid meat of his shoulder doing little damage. Shepard set a quick look over the mans shoulder and saw the Turian moving the still drunk Tali towards the door. Glancing round to see if any of the crew could offer help he was dismayed to see them all preoccupied.

Miranda was tiring no longer able to amplify her strikes with biotics and she became more and more sluggish while the opponents she originally took down had begin to clamber back up.

Mordin was under close attack by a short turian with a lead pipe and was un able to activate his Omni-tool and was backing away.

Kasumi was taking cover behind a table as a man with obvious experience was throwing large curved daggers at her, one of which was already embedded in her thigh.

Realising he would need to end this fight and quickly he did the thing his opponent least expected him to: he lunged. Not expecting his experienced opponent to make such a rash action Alf was completely unaware that Shepard made his move against him and as such only brought his knife close enough just to leave a shallow cut along Shepard's side.

Grunting in pain Shepard moved underneath the next knife jab and chopped at the wrist, the knife fell from nerveless fingers and the man could only gasp in shock before Shepard released a series of swift punches to his chest and face before he fell to the ground.

Leaping over the body Shepard sprinted across the bar to the retreating couple, at that time the turian cast a backwards glance to see if anyone was following them, when he saw the sprinting form of the man who just took out his leader fear over took his sense. Roughly pushing Tali to the floor to simply lay there giggling at some unknown joke and flung his weapon in the general direction of Shepard which flew past his shoulder but the shriek and thud of a collapsing body told Shepard that one of the thugs had not been so lucky.

As the Turian sprinted towards the door fear lending him speed Shepard was enraged that the scum would actually make it to the door. That was until the door flung open and the turian smashed into the broader figure of Garrus. The Turian fell to the floor and began to scramble away, into Shepard legs. Looking upwards a cry for mercy forming on his mandible's that were cut short with Shepard's boot connecting with his jaw.

''Garrus good to see you.'' said Shepard casting his eyes over the rips and cuts all over the Turians clothes and face.

''Shepard.'' Garrus interrupted. ''You cannot believe the sh*t I have been through tonight.'' he spat looking over at the bar scene to the bar fight, although without there leader and the new turian joining the fight many seemed to be loosing the will to carry on and only Francis who was still heavily embattled with grunt was keeping them from all bolting.

_Grunt-a-saurus-rex had finally met a worthy adversary, as he launched another punch to the face of the larger Krogan, Dr EvilMcBadman merely laughed and spat on the ground, spit which contained mostly blood and a broken tooth._

''_Is that all you can do mighty Grunt-a-saurus? I expected a fight.'' he laughed._

_Expecting any normal Krogan already taken by the blood rage to widely charge he didn't think that his adversary would roll to the side and deliver a hammer blow punch to his knee. The sharp crack sounded as the joint snapped. Were most people would have given into the pain the krogan merely gave out a below and tried to target his foes waist. Easily jumping out of the way Grunt waited for the broken limb to cause the larger krogan to collapse. And when it came it felt like a mountain had collapsed as deep resounding bang echoed through the place knocking over the few still standing bottles._

_Standing triumphantly over the fallen enemy Grunt leaned forwards and whispered._

''_Your reign of terror is over Dr EvilMcBadman.''. Before the Krogan could question his nonsense the heavy booted foot of grunt drove out all questions as well as a sizeable portion of his brains._

_

* * *

_

*There we go hoped you liked this Chapter, don't worry I will have a epilogue as well, it won't be as long but should wrap everything up all nicely.

Please comment rate and review, I would like to thank everyone who has done so already

Would like to specifically thank Kmacrozo for the Ultimate Showdown idea, thank you.

O yeah considering the time I finished to story at HAPPY HALLOWEEN!*


	8. Chapter 8

''Never a dull moment huh Shep?'' asked Kasumi limping towards the bruised and tired Commander who had all but collapsed on the nearest seat he could find.

''You mean the huge bender we all had, or the cataclysmic bar fight we have all just fought in?''

''Ha, both of course.'' said Kasumi flashing a tired smile.

Shepard gave a quick groan. ''times like these I wonder what life would be like if I could take a day off without several people attempting to kill me.''

''We're would be the fun in that? An attempted murder every now and then keeps you fit an healthy.'' replied the thief wincing slightly as she put weight on her bandaged leg.

Seeing this Shepard's face briefly flashed with concern. ''How the leg?''

''Oh alright the knife didn't really go that deep, some more medi-gel and an hour of Doctor Chakwas's magic fingers and I'll be up and stealing in no time.''

''You should still sit down, take some weight off it.'' he cautioned.

''I'm flattered but don't worry bout me I think its Tali you should be looking out for.'' Kasumi said motioning her head in the unconscious form of Tali splayed across the sofa.

After Grunt had killed Francis that was the signalling flare that finally broke the moral of the thugs as each quickly broke away from the fight and tried to escape anyway they could find: windows, doors and one person through the cellar. Shepard and his friends stood there battered and exhausted seeing if anyone would return, when all was silent Shepard rushed towards Tali, picking her up off the floor the women merely hung around his arms laughing and talking nonsense. Suddenly a horrid retching sound came from her and Shepard feared she had a suit puncture before looking up at her face he was meted with an unpleasant sight.

The bottom half of Tali's visor was lined with a yellowish liquid and the heavy sound of snoring echoed from her, laying her down and deciding to clean out the vomit after they returned to his cabin.

''She's fast asleep, hell I don't think the reaper invasion will wake her up.'' she smiled.

Kasumi's brows knotted as she thought deeply about something before a wide grin split her face. ''your so dead.''

Shepard gave a quick glance. ''yeah I know Grunt will be p**sed finding out we trapped him to the floor when he wakes up but I don't think it will be that bad.''

''No, not that Shepard.'' the thief paused allowing a large grin to appear. ''Later Tali's gunna be waking up from her first ever hangover, with the stench of sick on her visor, and judging by the amount of beer she has had it ain't gunna be a minor one at that.''

As Kasumi told him of his fate the colour left Shepard's face and his eyes shifted as if looking for some physical means to escape his impending fate. ''Oh Jesus, Kasumi by any chance do you have access to 6 inch flak armour on hand.''

She merely gave him an amused look.

''Yeah you're right, I'll need at least 12.''

Kasumi gave a quick laugh before walking off to help Miranda who was tending to the multitude of shallow cuts and scratches.

Immediately she was replaced by Garrus and Mordin who each took a seat opposite Shepard.

''Hi bud.'' nodded Garrus.

''Greeting Shepard.'' added Mordin.

Shepard nodded to each in turn before taking a deep breath. '' Listen you two there is something I need to say, thanks. You two have been with me all the way through this crazy mess and I doubt I could have got half as far as I did without you two's support, so thank you.''

Mordin simply nodded his head unaccustomed to such talk while Garrus beamed a smile leaned forward and patted Shepard shoulder. ''Hell of course you wouldn't have I've been pulling your human ass out of the fire since Saren, I ain't gunna stop now am I?''

''I guess not'' Shepard smiled.

''Anyway someone is gunna need to help you carrying Grunt back to the Normandy?''

''Yeah, lets just hope he doesn't fart on the way.''

''Spirits, if he does no bond of brotherhood is going to keep me with you.''

''Fair enough, anyway Garrus what exactly happened with that cult?''

Garrus's eyes widened and his jaws opened and closed several times, lost for words. ''Oh that cult? Well it's a long story, lets just say that apparently while I was drunk I bested their leader in single combat evidently proving that I am their 'divine one'.'' emphasising his point by motioning with his fingers.

''You don't say? So what happened after I sent Jack and Jacob after you?''

''Oh they were in some ritual most of which contained copious amounts of red sand and orgies, before the festivities could go into full swung the troublesome twosome arrived and started shockwave people left and right.'' he added smiling at the daring rescue his friends attempted.

''Heh I suppose I'll have to thank those two as well, that is after they've had their nap.'' said Shepard.

Mordin quickly leaned forward. ''Sorry Shepard but it will seem they will be resting for several hours yet if Garrus Vakarian's earlier description of the use of those two biotics.''

Shepard rolled his eyes. ''Great about half of us are unconscious the rest bone tired so I don't see how the hell were going to be able to get everyone back onto the Normandy.'' he said exasperated at this nights challenge after challenge.

''Hang on.'' interrupted Garrus. ''I've got a few old contacts in C-sec who might be able to lend a loading shuttle.''

Shepard allowed a small grin. ''Damm Garrus once again you save the day, we got to start keeping track of it.''

The turian gave a quick snort and a chuckle. ''I've lost count after thirty.''

Shepard raised an eyebrow. ''You sure you aren't just counting the times you 'imagined' you saved the day.''

Garrus gave a small shrug. ''Reality - fantasy, fiction - non-fiction. Its all the same.''

Shepard gave a small chuckle before standing upright with a grunt of discomfort.

''How long will that shuttle take?'' asked Shepard.

''To get here? About 10 minutes, to get back to the Normandy bout 20.''

Shepard gave a small sigh. ''Great 30 minutes to say my final goodbye's before she wakes up.''

Garrus gave a deep laugh and patted Shepard's back. ''May the spirits have mercy on you, coz I'm sure she won't.''

* * *

Shepard tapped his foot impatiently waiting for the elevator to reach his cabin. _FTL, orbital space stations, anti gravity fields and yet we still can't master the art of fast elevators_.

It had been an hour since he carried Tali from the shuttle to their cabin and Shepard returned carrying a small piece of toast and some flavoured nutrient paste for when she was hungry. Also a small package that Garrus had given him saying that it works wonders on Dextro- amino's with hangovers. Still worried as to how Tali would react from her first hangover Shepard wondered what the damage would be. _she was already a strong headed women with him I wonder what's gunna happen now that it feels like I dreadnought just crashed inside her brain._

Finally arriving at his floor Shepard opened up the doors and stepped into the cabin, he had taken every precaution to make sure Tali doesn't rip off his balls : The lights had been dimmed to nearly no power, he had disabled the comms so no one can radio the cabin, he had put all Omni-tools pagers on silent and most of all he had a large deep pan of ice cold water by the bedside.

Putting his loads on the desk he slowly walked up to the form of Tali, who just now made the slight movements and moans signalling her awake. Taking in a deep breath he marshalled his courage and proceeded to gently nudge Tali, afraid of awaking her to forcefully it took several light pushes to cause the fluttering of her eyes and the mumbled speech to echo from her dreams.

* * *

She slowly blinked her eyes open to take in her environment before immediately regretting doing any such thing. A blinding pain worse than any bullet wound she had suffered before lanced throughout her entire head and sent spindles of agony racing through out her limbs. In an attempt to stop the pain her instinct was to curl upon herself but this made things worse as the sudden movement jarred her head and sent a fresh wave of pain burning through her skull.

A string of Khelish curses tumbled from her mouth sounding as if they were replayed through a loud speaker, her voice pounding in her head like some sort of primeval drum. Looking through scrunched eyes she saw a vague figure standing over her, thinking that this person was the cause for her pain she lashed out with a clumsy swing, the figure easily dodged the blow but the momentum caused Tali to roll off the bed onto the floor in a heap of cursing and moaning.

Suddenly she felt a hand against her arm and tried to lash out at her attacker when a whispered voice pushed through the thick screen of searing pain.

''Tali, stop moving you'll just make it worse.'' urged the tone trying to remain as quite as possible but still be audible.

Taking his advice Tali restrained her movement and sure enough the pain dimmed slightly but still hammered at her conscience.

''Tali, I know you're in a lot of pain but you're going to have to keep calm.'' added Shepard voice.

''Shepard? What? What happened?'' asked Tali immediately dimming down her helmets voice emitter when the words caused another tide of fire throughout her system.

''I can't explain it all now, lets just say last night you got really drunk, well that would be an understatement and what you are experiencing now is what humans call a hangover.''

She whispered a curse, she was unable to even think about last night so she must have drunk a lot.

''Keelah Shepard, please just tell how long it will last and what I can do to stop it.''

A humourless grin appeared on his face. '' Aaah that's the age old question, we still haven't found away to entirely cure hangover's but there are a few that reduces the pain.''

''Shepard I don't care if I have to kiss Grunt, just make the pain go away.''

''Yeah I got that, Garrus gave me some tablets that should help reduce the pain severally but they take about half an hour to take effect.''

Tali groaned half an hour in her current pain might as well be two years. ''Shepard that's no good do you have anything that has immediate effect?''

''Actually I have just the thing.'' he said walking away to pick up something out of view.

* * *

Shepard carefully handled the bucket of ice water careful not the spill any, this technique had always worked when ether him and his squad mates were on shore-leave during his posting at Elysium so he just hoped it worked on quarians. As he approached the encumbered form of Tali he did something he hadn't done since they hit the Omega 4 relay : he prayed.

''Tali?'' Shepard voice sounded as if it was coming from a thick fog, distorted and muffled.

''mmmh?'' mumbled Tali un able to produce a more verbal response.

''Now this may be abit of shock but trust me it works wonders.''

''What does?'' Tali questioned.

She was answered a second later by a sudden thrust five litres of ice cold water thrown at her by a very pale Shepard.

* * *

_1 hour later SR2 mess hall…_

Shepard sat their nursing his newly earned black eye and busted lip. He looked up at the humour filled glances of the crew members all easily being able to see the reason behind Shepard's newest injuries: not that the shrieking of the Khelish insults thrown down the elevator shaft for the following ten minutes after his departure was any less of a hint.

He shuffled in his seat before the dull aching of his ribs and legs set off again ,earning a pained grunt from Shepard. When he went into the Med-bay he found Chakwas laughing at his state before saying that her head still hurt and was in no condition to treat his wounds. So left for today nursing his injuries Shepard nearly soiled himself when the elevator chime sounded throughout the mess hall.

Getting ready to sprint from the nearest cover he looked up to see Tali slowly walking towards her head hanging in shame. One hand pressed an ice pack against her head while the other seemed to fidget be fret of its usual companion.

''Shepard?'' she asked her voice croaking obviously she had been crying.

Seeing that she wasn't about to attack him Shepard slowly turned around and approached her.

''Erm.. Yeah Tali?''

She took a deep breath and tried to think of the correct words. ''I'm.. I'm.. I'm'' unable to say the correct words she simply burst into a fresh set of tears and slumped against Shepard's shoulder. He quickly shot Gardener a look who nodded and shooed away the present crew men giving the two people privacy.

''Tali? What wrong?'' he asked in an attempt to get her talking.

She looked up briefly and saw the large dark ring of bruised flesh surrounding Shepard's left eye and the faint swelling of blood from his bust lip: the sight of the damage she caused sent another wave of tears and sobs to escape from her. Her hangover completely forgotten as she saw the injuries she had inflicted.

''Your face!'' she sobbed. ''I.. I can't believe such a thing to you.''

He took her shoulders and sat her down at one of the nearby seats.

''Don't be silly I could tell you were in a lot of pain.'' he comforted.

She tensed up at that comment. '' That's no excuse for hitting you!'' she raged. ''And anyway I'm the one who caused the hangover, I'm the one who drank the elcor liquor, I'm the one who carried on drinking after.'' she gave a brief pause before whispering. ''I'm the one who hit you.''

Shepard pulled Tali close and embraced her. ''It's ok, everyone make's mistakes.''

''Yeah but its inexcusable that I hit you.''

''What this?'' he questioned pointing towards his face. ''this is just a scratch trust me I've had plenty worse.''

''Yeah but from other people, people wanting to intentionally hurt you, never from someone who supposedly loves you.''

He gave a small smile. ''Oh Tali but of course you love, otherwise you wouldn't be down here crying to me and saying its your fault, I to have my share of the blame I should have known you wouldn't have been able to handle the liquor.'' He paused to lovingly stroke her arm. ''To error is human, to forgive is godly.'' he quoted kissing the top of her head.

''But..but.'' she stammered out.''

''But nothing.'' he hushed her. ''No serious harm was done and at least we had an alright time last night.;; he smiled. ''plus if you weren't the head strong women you are I wouldn't have fallen for you would I?'' he questioned.

''I suppose so.'' she mumbled finally coming around to Shepard.

''See? And anyway in away it's a learning experience you can't really say you're an adult until you've had a hangover can you?'' he said trying to pump humour into the previously grim atmosphere.

She gave a force laugh. ''I suppose not, but I would have thought some of things we have done in your cabin would defiantly considered adult?'' she asked coyly.

Shepard gave a quick laugh. ''See back to your old self already. Won't be long now till your down in engineering scolding Ken for his latest attempt at humour.''

''I count the seconds.'' he replied sarcastically already the memories of her breakdown fading away.

''I'm sure you are, well at least we no never to give you excessive amounts of alcohol.''

''I don't think I'll be drinking at all.''

''C'mon don't say that I glass of wine every now and then is good for you.''

''I'm sure it is but I'd prefer just to lay off it.''

He gave a quick laugh. ''You'll come around. Feeling better?''

''Yes thank you.'' she said cuddling up to him and nuzzling her head into the crook of his neck.

Already familiar with the often used position he quickly pulled her closer onto his lap and let off a content sigh. They remained this way for a couple minutes when Tali suddenly she shook as she remembered something.

''Shepard?''

''Yeah Tali?''

''It seems from last night my helmets video recorder was set.'' she said anxiety clear in her voice.

''Sooo? You have footage of everything from last night?'' he asked.

''Yes I was going to delete it but I wanted to check with you first.'' she said.

Shepard's brow furrowed in thought. ''I suppose deleting it would be best.''

Shepard grabbed her hands as she made to activate her Omni-tool. ''But my natural curiosity wants to see what's on it.''

''You sure?'' questioned Tali.

''Yeah why not its just us to.''

''Well if you say so.'' hesitantly replied Tali before switching on her Omni-tools small vid player.

As the footage played out each of the viewers faces turned visible shade's paler and their mouths hung limply from their heads.

''Is that grunt?'' asked Tali wonder in he voice.

''Yeah.'' muttered Shepard.

''And what is doing to that Varren?'' she asked.

''Sweet Jesus I don't want to know.''

As the couple huddled together watching the horrifying footage unknown to them a petite Japanese women stood cloaked not one foot away a recorded in her hand and a smile on her painted lips.

*This the final chapter and I believe it has ended on a good note, I will take short break before starting on my newest fan-fic with more drama and what not.

Thank you to al who have added my story to their favourite story/author list and extra thanks to those who have commented.

Its not to late to do it now if you want =D

Thank you for reading my story and hope you enjoyed it*


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